A Christian Life
by DuelShocker56
Summary: This story is all true about me and how I became a Chrisitan. It's a very sad story, I grew up with so much hurt and pain and it's not fun believe me. Please review! No flames please.


A Christian Life

Parents… You love them, you hate them. But why do my parents always have to make me feel like I'm nothing? I'm writing this tonight because I feel anger inside me. Anger that I do not wish to express to my parents as I normally do. See, I grew up in a non-Christian home. Yeah I was baptized as a baby, but ever since that day, my mom just stopped going to church. My dad never went to church. My mom as a kid was forced to go to church. She believed then, but I guess when I was born my mom lost her faith when she stopped going. Because I grew up not going to church, I developed an insecurity about myself. I was very shy as a kid. Kids would always tease me, put me down, and make me feel like I didn't belong. This happened throughout my entire life from kindergarten to 7th grade. During 7th grade everyone had kind of matured from the teasing state, however because I had really no close friends when I was younger to share my feelings with, all my sad and angry thoughts and feelings were hidden deep inside me. In Elementary school, I would come home crying usually. Not all the time, but sometimes because of the kids. Sure my parents would try to talk to me but they never understood me. In fact, they still don't. I never talked to my dad about anything. In fact I still don't because all he does is yell at me. Lately he has begun to curse at me. Usually he makes me feel like I am nothing. Nothing but a speck, no, maybe not even that. But anyway, because I was always depressed and left out of the crowd in my childhood years, I grew to have depression when I entered 7th grade. It grew worse and worse as months progressed, which eventually turned into years. Yes, years. It ended up with me attempting suicide over 5 times and believe me it was not worth it. I'm happy to say though that I'm almost free of this monster. However I am now left with anxiety in place of it which is just as bad. Sometimes I wonder if I was just born to suffer. I try to tell myself it's not true, but… I don't know, my 3 years of battling depression has left huge scars on my heart that will never disappear. If only I had God on my side when I was younger… maybe none of this would have happened. You see, I used to be a huge sinner. Cursing, denying God… etc… you name it, I did it. Awful… When I look back on my old sinful life, I wish I could just wipe it all out. But I can't. Anyway though, back in December of 2001, was when my Christian journey began. It's amazing how my whole journey started out from a simple talk on IM with my friend Em. However though, the talk wasn't as great as you might think it was. I will never forget that night, I wish I could though, because it left a hole in both my friend's heart and mine. Two conversations happened that night. Here's what the first was about. Em began by telling me a joke about the Christmas story. I told her, I didn't get it because I never heard the story before. She seemed surprised that I never heard it before. Which got us into the talk of Christianity and ended with me saying this awful stuff about it. God isn't real, the bible is a book of made up nonsense…etc that kind of stuff. She logged off without saying goodbye. I then sent her a nasty e-mail about the things I said. Oh why did I do that?! I didn't bring it up to her the next day, but I know today she was probably furious at me. Soon my other friend Emily came online, and again Christianity came up, and also again I began to say all those nasty things. This time however, Emily replied back to me saying she couldn't believe what I was saying, and then logged off. Well something just hit me then. I knew then that Emily was furious at me, and I began to cry. I must have sat there crying for what seemed like hours. I'll never forget that night. It's a night I wish I could just erase out of my life completely and never think about it again. The next day at school Emily was still mad at me, which made me more upset. Luckily however we were able to make up to each other online that night which actually led to something good. Emily asked me if I wanted to come to her church with her that Sunday. I was a little nervous but said I would go. It started off not so good, but eventually I began to enjoy myself. Ever since that day, I wanted to learn more about Christianity and church. However fear was holding me back from attending my own church. What would they think of me if they knew my background? Would they like me? Would they reject me? You know, to this day I have no idea why I would think such things. But I understand that then I was really afraid. But that didn't stop me from learning on my own. I got a Children's Bible and began to read that all the time. Day by day I learned more and more. My friend Pam let me borrow her bible to read. I had never looked at a bible before. Then it was very confusing, so I stuck to reading the Children's Bible. Eventually, my curiosity about my own church began to take me over. My friend Amy went to my church and was a member of my youth group, so I spend a lot of time talking to her about what we did in church and what it was like. Soon Em (who by then wasn't mad at me anymore) Amy and I decided to go together to my church and talk to my Pastor about my fears and other problems. Em and Amy stuck by me the most while I was learning. I thank them heavily for that. The Pastor turned out to be nothing like how I pictured him to be. He was really nice, and gave me a bible that the church uses. Even though Em wasn't a Lutheran like Amy and I were, she still came because she agreed to help me. Em taught me so much about God, and I always enjoyed having conversations with her about him. As I learned more I began to understand more. Soon I started going into Christian chat rooms on Yahoo. I learned more from the teens there too. I ignored the bad kids who were always putting others down mind you. But pretty soon, it came down to the point where I wanted to be a Christian. My friends told me the prayer that would help me become Christian, but I wasn't sure if I was ready. So I avoided saying it for a while. Until finally, one day, I decided that I was going to do it. On April 25 that evening, I opened my heart to God and said the prayer. There was a party in Heaven that night I bet. I was so proud of myself. From that day I began saying some sort of prayer every night before I went to sleep. Oh! Prayer! I almost forgot! Before I became Christian, I was utterly lost and confused one night about Christianity. So for the first time in my life, I went to the window and began to pray to God about finding an answer. I asked God if he could give me some sort of sign that he was real. Anything, anything at all. The next morning when I went out to the bus, there on my driveway I found a yellow dried flower. I picked it up and observed it. It even smelled a sweet sent! I was in complete shock. Could it really be…? I wasn't sure that morning but I had no place to put it. I saw the bus coming so I put it on the grass near one of the bushes in my yard, I then went on the bus. It was very windy that day, and I assumed that the flower was long gone by now. But when I got home it was still there. Same place as where I left it. Still in shock I took the flower into the house. I knew right then that it had to be a sign from God. It just had to be. But when I told my mom that, she just rolled her eyes and gave me a "get real" look. That hurt, but I didn't tell her that. The thing with Christianity was my parents simply didn't care for it. On the day that I became Christian, I was still overjoyed by it all, so I told my mom. This was her reaction: "Oh…" I asked her if she was proud of me, and she's like: "You can't become Christian with a prayer." I argued and said I just did, she's like "whatever." My heart must have shattered into a million pieces. To this day I still can't fix it, nothing ever will. My mom is convinced I'm not a Christian because I don't act like one. I tell her that Christians aren't perfect and we all sin. She says my behavior is not Christian-like, therefore I'm not a Christian. I was so upset that night, so I called my friend Megan, who is a majority devoted Christian. I told her how upset I was that my parents didn't care that I was Christian. She told me not to worry and to maybe sit my parents with me and talk about the bible. The problem was, every time I mentioned something about God, my parents seemed to ignore me and act like they didn't care. So I just never tried that, to this day they still don't care and it's very depressing. After I became Christian I began attending my own church and Sunday School. It was hard to adjust with the youth group, but I made some new friends, and now things are going really well. We even have a new assistant Pastor. She's really cool, and is going to help me with confirmation. Yup, I decided to do that. I'm really excited to learn this stuff and I'm looking forward to it. I look forward to church every Sunday. The more I go, the more I learn, and I really seem to enjoy myself when I'm there. I feel now that I belong there. I still struggle every now and again, but I'm getting there a few steps at a time. You know? If I had one wish, it would be for my parents to be Christians. I want them saved more than anything in the world. I may not say it much but I do love them, and I want them to be happy in the afterlife. I don't want them to end up down there where I almost ended up. The sad thing is that there is nothing I can do. They just don't care about that stuff. My mom comes to church with me but she sings very little, and throws away the pamphlets they give us in the beginning of the service. Even though they treat me so bad, I still love them, and I care about them. But there isn't a force in the world that will make them Christians like me. I'm really sad about this. But I am really glad that I'm saved. If it worn't for my friends, I would never be a Christian. I love them so much! I could never have gotten this far without them. Thank you guys! I love you all! As for my parents, well there isn't much I can do for them except pray. But I know not even that will help them be Christians. Things would be so much happier and better at home if my parents were Christians. They'd be able to find a sense of peace that I feel. However, I'm sad to say that it's a dream that will never come true. My heart is still shattered, full of holes, and permanently scared because of what happened in my life. Not much is getting any better at home, but I am now starting to figure out just who I am which is good. I know one thing though, no matter what I go through in life, God will always be there for me. He is my savoir and father whether my parents think so or not. Nothing is going to make me turn away from him. I love God with all my heart, and I know he does the same for me. He will always guide me and lead me, and show me the right way to go. I will always look up to him, and when I have kids, I plan on baptizing them and always taking them to church no matter what the problem is. God is on my side now. And thanks to my friends, he always will be. 

Okay I'm feeling better now. I was really depressed and angry when I started writing this but now I'm better. Yea!! Please review. And please, no flame to this please? Thanks. 


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